Facing My F.O.D.O. | Fear of Disappointing Others

Last week, I posted a selfie wearing a bit of makeup and to be honest, I haven’t done it for a quite a while because my plate was very full of life-changing events & my world is a bit of chaos as we speak. Funny ‘coz my blog started as a beauty blog before anything else. I know! I know…my bad! Then a couple of my followers commented that they miss my makeup posts and those lip swatches that I used to do and then it dawned on me…

Fear of Disappointing Others_cover

Am I disappointing my audience?

Am I disappointing the people who followed me when I was starting my blogging journey? I contemplated for a while and shared it to my husband and we thought that maybe I NEED (as the operative word here) to do at least a couple of makeup stuff every now and then so I won’t disappoint them. Seems reasonable, right? But I was a bit hesitant, too.

Fear of Disappointing Others

Then I continued browsing my feed and how timely that I saw this post by Courtney Carver. How fitting! – that’s what I thought. Parang, teka! This is exactly what’s on my mind. RIGHT NOW.

View this post on Instagram

The struggle is real! This is the fear that makes us say yes when we want to say no. It’s the fear that keeps us quiet when we disagree and it’s the fear that leaves us feeling depleted and resentful. People pleasers especially hate to disappoint others but the truth is that other people’s disappointment has very little to do with you. If someone’s expectations of you don’t align with your schedule, interest, or the expectations you have, they may be disappointed, but since you never set those expectations to begin with, the responsibility is not yours. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The remedy for FODO is boundaries. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ One way to soften the blow and sometimes avoid disappointment all together is to be very clear about your boundaries. With that, you may be able to shift some (not all) expectations. Businesses often have policies to let you know what to expect. People have boundaries. If a business has policies you disagree with, you may stop doing business with them. With people, it’s a little different. Often, boundaries are pushed, or not honored. But there is always one person who can honor your boundaries. It’s you. By doing that you remind others that your boundaries matter and you may inspire them to create their own.

A post shared by Courtney Carver (@bemorewithless) on

Am I experiencing the F.O.D.O?

I think I am. FODO or the Fear of Disappointing Others is real. I’ve been repeating this over and over but it’s true! Social media affects us in a lot of ways. And if you’re a content creator, this kind of fear is real.

In the world of INFLUENCERS and famous beauty bloggers & gurus, I’m just a small-time beauty blogger who’s trying to find a spot & if possible, a chance to be discovered. With less than a thousand followers on IG, I always had that fear of losing them one by one or worse! they’ll unfollow my account all at the same time. That’s why I try my best to be different and present my stuff as creative as I can, no matter how expensive it can be. But you see, that’s also the problem.

Wake Me Up When Im Famous

Beauty Blogging is an expensive hobby.

That hard realisation came to me the week after my birthday (around 2 years ago) when I decided to check our financial standing and when I saw my spending for makeup alone, I was HORRIFIED with the amount that I spent just for that month! I owe my husband a huge apology because sure, he’s supportive of whatever makes me happy but it’s just not fair for him. I don’t have a work/source of income but I’m also spending way SO MUCH! And worse, it’s all just makeup. It’s not a necessity nor a form of investment! Appalling! Maling-mali, besh!

Three years ago, I’ve always envied the beauty bloggers with the bankable number of followers because I’ve always wanted to do PR unboxing & posts the latest and newest makeups right before they hit the stores. I wanted to be one of them! So I bought a lot of makeup items (at one point I had more than a hundred of lipsticks but only got 1 mouth ‘tho!) and did my reviews and made sure that I’m always one of the firsts to post reviews. Ang sabi ko pa, “these are investments for my future!” Everyone needed to start somewhere and pay their dues and soon enough people & brands will notice me!

Fear of Disappointing Others

But after reviewing the items, then what? 

Nothing. Tengga ang makeup sa drawers. Yung iba, nagexpire na hindi man lang nagamit!

Most of the time, I give them away to my friends and while I’m happy that they’re happy with my loot bags for them, I  also can’t do it over and over again. I realised that my ROI is not happening anytime soon and I needed to put a timeline for myself, too.

That’s why I stopped.

I had to recollect my thoughts and revisit my goals in life. I’m not getting any younger and we need to handle our resources properly. Then, I also started to embrace the minimalist lifestyle and it’s as if everything fell on the right place. I slowly got rid of a lot of stuff; cleared our minds and reset our goals and approach.

After some time, a lot of things happened in my life which was also a factor why I slowed down. I needed to spend more time with my family and I had to focus more on my well-being. I still tried making my feed beautiful, ‘tho! Because I still want to keep my followers. I want to keep them and again, not disappoint my audience even tho’ my feed is no longer as fun as before. I try to make each post as Instagrammable as possible but my follows are still dipping. Engagement and follows are hardly-earned these days. Tapos,  you’ll learn pa that followers can be bought pala! Ay, caramba! #facepalm

I had to recollect my thoughts and revisit my goals in life. I’m not getting any younger and we need to handle our resources properly.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

When I got so occupied with the more important life-related stuff, I totally forgot about these first-world issues of mine and guess what? I’m still doing okay. I forgot about the pressure of being insta-famous. In fact, I give up. I also think I’m gonna switch my IG profile from business to personal because I don’t want to be pressured with numbers anymore.

Fear of Disappointing Others_4

Reality is, we live in an era of being extra.

Extra perfect. Extra fit. Extra rich. Extra dramatic. Extra whatever.

As long as it gain likes, hearts, shares and followers, you’re #livingthelife #instafamous. It seems that everything and anything has to be shared because if not, it as if it didn’t happen. Sad, no?

We live in an Era of being EXTRA.

Fear of Disappointing Others_5

I’m not afraid anymore.

As I was writing this piece, I gathered thoughts and strength to say that I’m no longer afraid disappoint & lose my followers because as far as I know, every piece that post and share is a part of who I am.

I want to untangle myself from the pressure of keeping up the numbers and keeping up with the Joneses. I had to put boundaries on a lot of things in my life and think of the bigger picture – our future. Yes, it’s called #ADULTING.

Of course, I’ll continue doing my reviews of stuff, services and experiences and my blog will remain a beauty & lifestyle blog. I hope that you continue reading my posts 🙂 And my dear readers are an important part of this site. Everything is! But as I continue, I only want to discuss the things because they matter to me and not for the numbers. 🙂

xoxo roma - Aug 2018

Posted by

Filipina lifestyle blogger based in Singapore | Beauty Enthusiast | | Bookish Yogi

Let me know your thoughts :)

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s